Well here I am… that was a lot easier than expected!! (or not, but that’s another blog…)
Taking the leap from busy full time professional to here, the empty void, the river of life. It has been a long time coming, this leap of faith. For many years I hadn’t been happy with work, I’d tried many strategies to reinvent myself, to reinvent the work, to evolve into someone who could fit into the rules of being employed, but it just wasn’t working.
It gradually dawned on me, the essential dissonance between the way in which i valued my time and my level of control over it. The compromise, not being authentically myself. I was tired of putting on the mask, being graceful, putting up with bad behaviour (including my own), fitting in with other people’s agendas, pushing down the feelings, playing to someone else’s rhythm. Slowly it emerged, my time and my own freedom were more valuable to me than what i was being paid. So what do you do with that?
Image by Casey Kotas
Well, if you’re like me, from a family where security and following the rules is highly valued, you put up with it for a long time! The cracks started to show, your body may start to break, your intuition screams for change, you numb your feelings, drown your sorrows and wake up in a dream, only half alive.
Image by Esher from www.davidicke.com
You start to dream of something different, have no idea what, no clear plan, but you know that change is coming. I could smell it on the wind. For me, there was no organising what was next, no clear budget, no clear course into the future, i could feel the change coming and it was making me stronger. Last June, my body gave way, i had continuous illnesses, was off work for months, returned slowly, but still things weren’t getting better.
One day, in a flash of insight, i set a deadline. Six months ago, I made a commitment to myself and to the universe that i would not be in full time paid employment by February 2014. I’d made the decision, so something shifted. The universe conspired with me and things started to fall into place. By November I was offered a redundancy, a good incentive to leave my job. Perfect, yet terrifying! I floated through the whole process, moments of fear but generally ease, trusting that this was right for me.
Image from synapsetrading.com
So here i am, giving myself the time to work it out. I invite you on this journey and perhaps we’ll work it out together…
Much love to you in your world.