Beyond the drama there is silence
Beyond the drama there is dignity
Beyond the drama there is grace…
Owning your story, the honest truth, that way lies healing…
There’s a lot going on in my life right now.
In addition to the usual demands of life, I’m spend 3 to 4 days and nights each week in town supporting my parents as my father declines with end stage pancreatic cancer. I’m also travelling through the grief of childlessness and birthing a new creative project.
Image from http://www.thedovecoteorg.wordpress.com
This involves big demands, big emotions and being a sensitive soul there is a huge energetic backwash.
In the past, i would have been at sea, lost in the drama of my thoughts and emotions, washed all over the place. Blending, not knowing what was mine and what was absorbed from others. I would have numbed, criticised, diminished, strung out and sacrificed myself.
But years of being and knowing me has allowed me to develop some proactive self care strategies.
Firstly to self monitor and be aware of how I’m travelling. What am i feeling? Observing my thinking and particularly being mindful of overwhelm. Most particularly what that looks like for me. The times when critical thinking or emotional numbing is slipping in. Not to judge myself for this, but to just observe it and plan a scheduled break, some self kindness.
Secondly to be proactive in caring for myself. My overwhelm and stress has led to some sleeplessness. Waking up at 1 or 2am. In the past i would have panicked and lay awake, my mind ticking over, strategising how to regain sleep. Now i just sit and observe, bring myself into the present moment, acknowledge feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. Just to sit for a while and be with it.
Image from http://www.thenightskyguy.com
Then, i pick myself up, take myself out to the back verandah and gently lie myself under the stars. I allow the stress, the overwhelming energy to seep back into the earth. I am cradled by the smells, sounds, the beings and energy of the night. I absorb the healing balm and i am deeply grateful.
Looking up at the moon and stars, into the face of the universe, helps me gain perspective and peace. Many times i have fallen into a deep healing sleep. I put myself back to bed after a few hours and wake the next day feeling nourished and restored.
Image from http://www.pozible.com
Finally, to know that i am not alone. We all go through struggles and tough times in our lives. That’s part of being human. To connect, sometimes in silence, with dear souls who nourish us, and us them. This sole journey is shared at times with loving and kind companions, even if they are not physically present, it is a shared human experience. When we commune with the goodness of the human collective, sometimes energetically, sometimes through art or literature or other creative expression of the complexity of life, we are never alone. I am deeply grateful for this blessing.
Sometimes, a break is not possible, you just have to keep going, to be solid. But i find when i create drama around the exhaustion, it only makes it tougher. When i cut through to the core, the essence of how i’m feeling and what i need right now, it really helps to keep me going.
I’d love to hear what works for you when the pressure is on and you can’t escape, but you need a modicum of relief.
Big love for you today!